Does love really have to be a disease? I am not some guru at it, yet i have heard and tried to solve a number of cases of love-stricken people out of my own common sense.. So how does it happen? Where does the spark come from? How do u manage it? Pretty much like a conundrum...huh!
yet if u have a serious mind, u could achieve that long lasting relationship...
Now i don't have a fixed formula for it.. because it is not like cooking, but love sure does need certain ingredients...
Here i would like to state that i am using 'he' to refer to a person, but should be read as he/she... It is only to make the writing part simpler! This article is a bit lengthy and i hope you would give it a patient reading.
Most of the people out there, see others and fall in love.... Many believe in love at first sight, soul-mate, etc too... Respectfully respecting their sentiments, i feel that the two above are just filmy baatein and are not practical!
To love a person is to treat him with utmost respect and care! To be sensitive
.. It is a very tricky business, but relationships, per se are a complicated thing.. and it is very important to have a knowledge of the moods and behaviour of the opposite sex to lead a happy, comfortable married life.... However, India being a country where, its been taught to refrain from any 'touch' (read: contact) of the opposite sex, people don't really know much on how relationships go about, at first and it is only after a number of fights, disgreements and friction that they learn to co-exist... and sometimes, even that does not happen. But the point under discussion is not to co-exist but to live a happy comfortable with someone, u are truly in love with and this is the puzzling thing - How to find that special someone ....
I would say everything should start with friendship.. because it is one base that teaches u a lot about the opposite sex.. You come close and learn to live and share things... You have fights and make up! Its all within friendship and no big deal! There is no tension or the need to bind... on the contrary, u feel that bond of love for each other.. Its like giving space
to each other and at the same time, slowly co-existing in the other's space too (read: in the heart)... It gives u a chance to know the person from inside... because when you are friends with someone, the other person isn't worried about getting committed, rather shows his true self and this is what makes u get attracted to him.... He doesn't have to worry whether he looks attractive to u or not.. There is a sort of freedom in the mind and that's what forms a stronger bond... the more you know the natural outlook of a person, the more you can assess him.. But this needs time... a considerable time and one shouldn't hasten, until he knows the other person inside out... Sometimes, a person's behaviour might be different with a lady-friend and a spouse and hence u need to know the complete story. Patience!
, my friend will reward you in a long way!
Getting into a relationship is a big step... and u should be mentally prepared to make some sacrifices, be understanding
... That does not mean u need to give up on ur dignity.. NO.
Without dignity and respect, the relationghip will never work. True, u will have disagreements but should have the common sense to make things work.... that is how this 'gaadi' will run. DO NOT
become over-possessive of that person, because he is still your friend and you don't want to intrude in his privacy!. Remember one thing, "If u hold love too lightly, it would fly... but if u hold it too tightly, then also, it would die
You need to have a balanced approach while dealing with ur friend. It will need the input from both of you.. and hence both have to work in accordance with the other and any disagreements to be solved with great patience and understanding.
Some people are really scared at this point at the mere mention of getting hitched.... thinking, the negative effects first... Like getting heart-broken or being hindered from privacy.. but what the heck! this is the reality of life and you would have to face the brunt of relationship even later after marriage and that is something, u can't avoid.. So why not become smart from now and learn to choose ur mate properly.. Why not see what u lack to give what it takes to make a perfect relationship. It is much easier to come out of a nasty relationship rather than a nasty marriage.
The only thing essential here is a clever eye! which means u should be well aware of your friend's personality before making him or her ur *special* friend and it is not so difficult, either.. People, who are seriously commitment-minded would wait long enough to see who is the person who cares and respects them the most! The person who would accept them by their natural charisma and the way they are.. All these things, do not happen in a jiffy, but require a great deal of time and patience.
Now when u have finally decided the person in accordance with your best judgement, which i assume would be your best friend, by now... try to figure out what he feels about u... whether the person thinks that he can give another dimension to the relationship, that he sees everything the way he wants from his spouse, in you... If you can figure that out, then one part of the problem is solved... and if u don't know that, the best way is to ask.. But here... DO NOT
about the other person.. try to understand his reason. Folks! this is a risky business, and true! love needs luck apart from patience.. But what is more important is that bond of friendship shouldn't be broken, because if he feels that u be-friended him just just to get love, then his trust, upon you, would be completely shattered.. Let him know what ur feelings are and then act sober. If he too cares and thinks ur way, he would come forward to hold ur hand.. Under any circumstances, DO NOT become critical of him and jeopardize your friendship.
Here there is a line, which i want to share with u guys! and it goes like, "If ur love wants to fly, let it... Only if it comes back to you, then its urs
" These lines might sound very filmy to some, yet very true!
Even while in a relationship, be sensible... do not become over-demanding or careless.. because both are the perfect ways to make a healthy relationship go bad.. Learn to give each other their space and do not toy with it. Learn to "Give respect, Get respect
". Do not become suspicious or bossy. Have trust in ur judgement that ur mate loves u no matter what... Even if u have fights, keep urself under control. Do not let a small matter ruin everything at hand. Try to take it jovially and with broad-mindedness. When thinking about tha matter, take a dual approach. Keep urself in his position and check on his views, what he means to say. If the matter is serious, give urself a small break to get over it... and then come back and talk about it... Talking
is the best bet to remove all misconceptions and the best medium to keep a relationship alive and rocking!!
Another thing is, always keep on doing an introspection to know that both of u are going on the right track and that time hasn't pulled the plugs! As they say, "laughter is the best medicine
"! Use it to keep the relationship hale and hearty!
Hence, i would like to suggest, reading a book called "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by Stephen R. Covey. The book subtly explains the difference in the nature of men and women and how they react to relationships. I feel that it is a must read for all the couples and they would come to know something awesome about their mates, which they already do not know.... The book can be downloaded from here
God forbid! u get dumped or somehow the relationship breaks! the wisest thing for you to do is to give urself a break... Keep urself occupied in ur work.. If u understand later that it was ur fault too, try to analyse it and correct urself. If it was ur friend's fault and u know, that the relationship was beyond repair, learn to put urself together and slowly, try to get over with it. Keep urself as engaged as possible so that the tormenting thoughts do not affect u. I know, it is easier said than done! but not impossible..
God has made somebody for you and its just a matter of time, when u meet ur real mate for life! So get over urself and start thinking that, love doesn't stink... on the contrary it is the most beautiful gift that life has gifted us!
With these words, I wish you a very happy life
God Bless U!