Saat Phere... Bullshit?

Sometimes, i think of the meaning of marriage, relationship, commitment, love, etc and some of the thoughts that surround my mind. People always tell me that they would prefer to love or engage in any sort of relationship, only after marriage. That makes me think, what is so powerful in a marriage that binds people? What is in those 'saat phere' which gives men and women the legal right to love and engage in relationship. Come to think of it, it is only a fire around which both of you revolve for seven times. Other than satisfying the traditions, does it hold any true value? People get married even in courts just by a mere signature.. So what makes 'saat phere' so special.

I know that my readers will have varied answers here, but my opinion is that those 'saat phere' actually holds very little meaning. Please don't jump to any conclusions before reading ahead....

True marriage or for that matter true love comes from the heart, which no fire can create. I've seen so many couples, who can be assumed to be married because their love was so strong and pure that it didn't need anyone's attestation. On the other hand, people who got married either through love marriages or arranged marriages, got divorced later, because their hearts never were one. Hence, I really find it hard to believe that saat phere is essential. Maybe, to satiate the traditions, to satisfy the laws of the country, you might need to do this formality, but i view it just as a formality.

When your hearts are so pure and strong, and offcourse one! you don't require any authentication from anyone to say that you are married. Marriage is nothing but a union of hearts and souls and that comes when you feel that you're one. Maybe the physical nature of these formalities might pose some kind of substance to keep you feeling being together, but then again, it is just a kind of mental force only and that can be created when you yourself feel the responsibility of your mate and the feeling that you are not two, but infact one!!

Maybe, mortals aren't so strong to define what could be true love and that is why they need something to bind them together, the 'saat phere', an apparent bond, but holds practical, only till you feel its significance.

I know my ideology might be very unique and unacceptable to many people.... but i would surely love to hear your comments.

Regards,
Gaurav Mittal

In the company of women

I have had a lot of interaction with the members of the opposite sex and in one sense, i am really mystified. The more I came to know about them, the more i was amazed at their persona. I have come in touch with a number of women, some of them are just girls while others have had a great experience of life. An account of what they face right from their childhood to all the way to their old age, is quite interesting to note.

I know that the masculine gender might feel a bit jealous to read this extolled account, but in some ways, they do have to go through a lot more in their life. Just thinking the way from having to cope up with their regular health cycles, their emotional periods, to all the way up to making another human being in them for nine straight month to managing family and taking care of every person in the family, really makes them special. The way they face all the problems of life, yet have a shining face all throughout. The way they hide all their emotions, yet are full of it really makes them very mysterious! Needless to say that, probably God was also amazed at such a creation.

As a matter of fact, some women I have met have been a real-life inspiration for me. I have a very good friend named 'S'. S had a really tough life right from the starting. She was in love with a guy, but unfortunately, destiny was against her and she had to get married to someone else. Her married life wasn't good and she had to face all its travails. After five miserable years, she opted for divorce with a son. Even after that, she has been through a number of ups and downs, losing people she loved and not getting back love in return. Not to mention the enormous amount of mental trauma she and her family had to face. Still today, whenever i talk to her, i see that same glorified smile in her as though she is totally content with her life. Perhaps she never blames anyone for her misfortunes and continues to live her life with incessant happiness. People like 'S' are really capable of defining the true meaning of life, i.e. Life is short, so why ever be unhappy. Smile, enjoy and make merry.

Then there is this another girl i know, 'A'. This girl really loved my friend but had to leave him because of her parent's wishes. She tried, protested but was never successful. She could have opted to run away with him and have everything what she desired, but she kept her parents' will, happiness and honour in the society before her love. Sometimes, i feel her acts were mean, but then, the truth is that it takes a lot of courage to do something like this. It really takes more than just guts to rip your heart right out and kill all that happiness and i bow to thee.

Come to think of my mom, and how she has faced her problems throughout life and yet been together with the family and taken care of us very well, really makes me love this great woman even more!

I know that guys are nonetheless not weak in any aspect, yet experience has proved it that girls are emotionally very strong in all the matters of life. How they do it, whether they have any secret formula for it, is really beyond my comprehension. But I would re-iterate that they're truely HIS masterpiece. They have their involvement right from their childhood as a sister or friends to being someone's wife one day and then as a mother and grand mother, moulding and nurturing the world in their bosom. I think whoever said it, made a very true statement that "Behind every man's success, there is a woman"

Ladies............ To thou, I salute !! :)

Yeh Shaadi Nahi Ho Sakti..

We live in the 22nd century, man has gone to the moon, there is inter-mixing of cultures, we have become modern and trendy by the day, yet if we look around we still see some practices being followed around us, which show how rigid and backward we still are in our thinking. In the recent past, one of this incident happened with my friend.

This guy was incredibly in love with a girl and the girl also loved him a lot. Both were very happy, had seen so many future plans, but fate had something else stored for them. As ill-luck would have it, one day the girl's parents came to know about the affair. She was severly reprimanded and went through a high mental agony. Even my friend was in a miserable state. The reason being, that the girl's father is an orthodox hindu brahmin who doesn't believe in love marriages and plans to get the girl married according to his wishes to a hindu brahmin only. This came as a severe shock to me. Both the guy and the girl were very well suited for each, understood and cared for each and I can say it with a lot of confidence, that if they had managed to become a couple, they would surely have had a great married life.

However, what fails to get acknowledged here is the attitude of the girl's father. I just do not understand what would he ever achieve in getting the girl married to someone whom she doesn't love, or would such an alliance assure that the girl would get the same love as that with my friend? Is it really necessary to get married in one's caste? Does it provide some sort of social and emotional security or something which my friend couldn't provide? Was the girl's father right in putting his needs before his daughter's?

I really fail to answer these hounding questions and they leave me absolutely clueless !!!!

What has really happened to us? Why are we still hell bent on the age old traditions which hold absolutely no meaning? Why can't we open our minds to just a little bit and explore the world outside? No.... we don't do that.... Why? Because thay say that, that has been the practice in my family for generations and hence I refuse to change myself with time.

At times, we become such hypocrites that we fail to realise the big difference between we do and what we say? We would take the lord's name day-in and day-out. Chant 'Hare Krishna, Hare Rama' with every breath, but forget their deeds.
Lord Krishna and Radha's sacred love has been bowed upon by the entire world. We bow and pray to thee. Sita Mata selected her life partner through a swayamvar (gathering in which the bride chooses the most eligble match for herself amongst a number of potential candidates)

We know all this. We have been teaching all these epics to our children and great grandchildren in the form of sacred texts, yet when it comes to us, we still choose a non-sensical approach. I would like to ask the readers one simple question? What is the difference between an educated girl and an illitrate one if she doesn't even have the freedom to choose her life partner? What is the difference if she is being merely tethered from one hook (her parent's house) to another hook (her future home) against her wishes?

Frankly speaking, i am clueless here....

In today's world, it is very rare to find love. People just aren't that committed and even if such a falling off happens, they easily make a transition to a new partner. Even if you forget about pre-marital affairs, for a moment, how many people in a marriage, are actually committed to their spouse? So who gives the guarantee that an arranged marriage within one's own community or caste can enforce such a commitment.

Either we are too naive or just prefer to keep our eyes closed, despite knowing all this; and what about the more modern, educated ones? The girl just preferred to go alongwith her parents wishes without even talking properly to her parents, despite being so educated, despite knowing that what she is doing is wrong. But she is a girl, perhaps her will power doesn't allow her to talk back to her parents. As a matter of the fact, she was so scared of her parents, she never even talked to the guy properly... !!

If you ask me, the advocates of caste-based marriage are a bunch of selfish people, who blindly follow what everyone else follows. They do not love their children and are selfish enough to kill their child's likes for the sake of their own, just to show their fake pride and honour; and those who just go alongwith this baloney have no right to call themselves as educated.

However, i do pray to God to bless them both with peace and comfort in their minds and a happy future for both of them.....

p.s. To see what others feel and their comments on the topic, please click here

Regards,
Gaurav Mittal